In Russian, we don’t have a special term to name something you would like to do before you die, and it’s a little weird. Maybe, Russians are too depressed to think about death more often than necessary, but for me, the idea of making a deadly to-do list sounds positive and even life-affirming. So, I just did it, and this is my buchet list.

My bucket list:
13 things I plan to do before I die

Don’t panic! I’m fine, and I’m not going to die yet. However, these are not the most peaceful times, so, if you believed that you would start fulfilling your dreams literally tomorrow, right now is probably the best time to do it. After all, it always seems to us that everything is still ahead, that life is a long thing, and we have plenty of time to realize our plans. Maybe yes, maybe no.

I still look like a boy with gray hair, but most likely I’ve lived most of my life already, and I’m not sure I haven’t wasted my time. When I’m gone, almost everything I’ve had a hand in will disappear: the browsers I made extensions for will be closed, the websites where I uploaded my music will be offline, and even people who really knew me will forget me very soon. But that’s okay.

But there are a lot of things that I’ve been delaying all the time. And I thought it was a temporary solution, but every time there was another reason to forget about this for another year or two. So, what am I trying to say? I have a list of things I’d like to do before I die. But like George Romero I’m still sure I have plenty of time, and this is just my plan for the near future. Maybe someone will decide to join me on my journey. Why not?

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1. Make a video about the superbowl and the illuminati

You can’t even imagine how deep this rabbit hole is! Just one event that everyone has forgotten about connects all conspiracy theories: from freemasons and reptilians to pizzagate and adrenochrome. One small assumption that will put everything in its place. Unfortunately, I still have no idea how to demonstrate it.

You’ll never understand what I’m talking about unless you know modern memes and conspiracy theories. I can’t just stand in front of a wall of photographs and diagrams, wave my hands and try to explain the connection between seemingly unrelated events, or… Can I?

Only Johnny Harris noticed some oddities in this story and even asked the right questions, but he didn’t finish it. Normies can’t work with memes!

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2. Learn how to play some musical instrument

If you have kids, find an art school with music and art classes or some kind of sports section. Otherwise, it will be too late, and they will regret that you didn’t learn them how to draw or play music. I regret.

I don’t have a musical ear, but I have a sense of rhythm. I tried to play guitar a couple of times, but it just didn’t work for me. I hate the noise you inevitably make when you’re learning a new instrument. Awful! Is there some kind of quiet musical instrument that I can play with headphones?

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3. Record a conceptual rap album

Seven tracks in seven different languages. Or eight. Or five. The number is not important. It’s important that none of these languages are repeated. No sense and no logic. Just a flow of words and melody. The absence of an utterance should become an utterance.

Why rap? Why not? Writing lyrics for seven tracks and then recording them and making them sound good is very difficult. And rapping would be at least a little bit easier. Besides, there’s different kinds of rap. I’ll probably have to listen to a lot of tracks that I don’t like too much, but these are little things.

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4. Start drawing again

I used to draw and I drew a lot. In most cases, the girls I liked. Yeah, it’s a form of pickup, and that worked. But then the tried-and-true scheme malfunctioned, and now everytime I pick up a pencil, I get some sort of Vietnam flashback.

In theory I could try to take it, but for what? If instead of pleasure you experience only negativity, that’s not your path. I’ve given up, but if I can draw for fun, I’d love to get back

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5. Begin to dance

I know how to dance, but I cannot. Yeah, it’s weird, but I’m a clumsy man made of wood. And despite this, I am an expert in dancing: show me a random dancer and I’ll tell you what he exactly dances, how long and how successfully.

I probably even know when it started, but it doesn’t help me to dance. I’ve tried a lot of different dance genres, but even simple isolated stuff like tutting or shuffle is too difficult for me.

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6. Get my abs back

Most of my life I’ve been a skinny guy with an almost dystrophic body mass index, but then I started working out and gained about 20kg. I’ve gotten bigger and a little fatter, so now I need to dry a bit off and then gain mass again.

I was confident I could do this in a couple weeks (at worst a couple months), but I need more motivation and discipline: training should be regular, not too heavy and from time to time. I like being big, but I also liked having abs. I want it back!

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7. Prepare for a marathon

To get my abs back, I started running. At first it was too hard and whole my body hurt. Now it’s still hard, but it’s mostly about muscle. And that’s the way it’s supposed to be.

I don’t like running and I don’t believe there’s anyone who really does, but I really like the running community. So I decided to prepare for a marathon. I don’t plan to run a marathon, just training, long and hard. Maybe I’ll go to some marathon to feel this atmosphere and see how other people suffer.

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8. Learn some popular programming language and finally release my own project

I used to port some popular extensions to the not-so-popular Maxthon browser, and I also used to make some simple addons. So technically I’m a developer, but in fact I’m not. I’m a script-kiddie: I can understand someone else’s code and I can edit it, but writing my own code is too hard for me.

So, I want to learn some popular programming language and finally make something new, my own little project. I’ve already written about a mobile app helping to search for people in the crowd. Аn elementary tool, but I still can’t write it as I want.

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9. Release my own game

Once I made a simple point-and-click quest for a special person. Nobody else saw it. It wasn’t a real game and, anyway, I lost it a long time ago.

But I like the idea of making my own game. But, as you remember, coding is too difficult and boring for me. I was thinking about a slider puzzle and shoot ’em up with non-direct control and even drew some concepts (of course I’ve lost them already).

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10. Join a serious open project

Classic Maxthon was strange: a lot of functions, but very few extensions (especially popular ones from the Web Store). But an active community can fix any problem! For example, I’ve ported some extensions and made a few of my own. They were very simple and in most cases did not require maintenance.

However, the community was very segmented: China, Europe and the CIS hardly interacted with each other. But we had a small group of enthusiasts translating popular extensions, and because of translation some small extensions have grown into full-fledged tools.

I loved it and now I miss those times, but I still don’t have enough knowledge to be able to join some open project and do something really significant. And want to fix it.

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11. Finally write about the main threat to your privacy

My blog started with Maxthon, but from the beginning I planned to write about *, the main vulnerability of modern websites and services: because of * almost everyone can find you email or phone number on any website you use.

I could explain it in two sentences, but I’m still not sure I should do that. What if my note turns into a step-by-step guide to finding information about random people? Living in a world where any stranger can find your phone number is terrible!

A few years ago, I contacted the support of several popular websites and told them about my find. Some of them fixed it, some of them didn’t. If the blog started with a note about * that was never published, maybe after so many years I need to finally write it?

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12. Update the instructions in case of my sudden death

It’s getting darker and darker… But in fact, it’s not so scary: that’s about what exactly people need to do if I’m suddenly gone. This is something like a will, but with instructions for specific people. I wrote this about ten years ago, and it was mostly about my accounts and passwords. There was also a list of close friends who should be notified. And of course, after all these years the information was out of date.

I realize that the idea is as dark as possible, and I can accept that. But after the sudden death of Denis Beysovskiy I became convinced that you need people who will have access to your accounts: when you die, someone has to tell your online friends about this.

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13. Make symbols work

I used to write short stories. At first I didn’t think that they should carry some idea, but they actually should. And for some reason I still can’t get the symbols to work the way I intended. Things that I associate with hope, others associate with something darkness. It shouldn’t be that way.

The same with this list: for me, it’s a very positive thing, giving me hope and inspiring me to do new things, but I’m pretty sure most people will see it as something dark and depressing. I’m not trying to say that your life is over and it’s time to get used to the ground. I’m trying to say that you still have a lot of time, which you will likely spend on some nonsense, although you could spend it usefully. Think about this. You probably have your own to-do list that. Maybe right now is the perfect time to start implementing it?

November 6, 2023